conclusion

either watching house has created a separate persona/characteristic in me, or i'm really stressed. i am showing signs of fatigue and cracked personality.

fell asleep in the one hour recess period. woke up groggy and walked straight into bio lab with a sleeping brain. BAD IDEA FOR THOSE OF YOU READING THIS. anyway, a short lecture about location of cupboards and files later, i'm back upstairs solitary and asleep.

on the upside, i've managed to finish a chem paper 1 without much studying. i haven't started chem (doing math first cos i'm really tired of seeing crosses when i want marks), but its good to know that all my studying before midyears are paying off a little. though there is still lots of room for improvement.

and on the downside, i've becoming more sarcastic again. can't tell whether this is good or bad, have to wait and see if my sense of humour returns too.

i wanna do math. i actually really want to do math. also cos it's more interesting than studying 'The adventures of huckleberry finn" for english. that book is LONG, especially the last part. not to mention Paddy Clarke Hahaha is a bit more interesting and Siddhartha is the shortest most philo-based book.

starting drawing for a collab project with Julian. a fantasy story with two characters who are loosely based off ourselves. i modeled my character to be a bit more 'insane' yet showing a level of logic that would astound most of the other characters. appearance-wise, he should have unkempt hair like dante in dmc3, though he is much younger. he also knows a bit of swordsmanship, worked as a blacksmith's apprentice, and surprisingly is rather clumsy with a hammer. as a on-going joke i plan to add, my character is the inventor of guns in this fantasy universe, hence naming jokes and also the fact that only two or three people can actually properly wield it. my character and julian's are orphans (its a prologue explained event) and they work like bounty hunters. Julian's is the sage-like character, doesn't seem to fight a lot and he seems to be the brains behind their schemes. mine is his crazy foil, and whose seemingly mad schemes are sometimes the key to the problem. i haven't really discussed the details beyond this point, but i have thought of several plot lines that run along the course of the story. since its a collab, i'm hoping i can link up with him and let him do most of the story planning, while i do the drawing. as soon as i improve.

hate serotonin

recently, i've been 'stoning'. as in 'stone', blank vacant stare into the metaphysical. no, i'm not on any form of medication. its just my mind's way of shutting itself out. it helps a lot when most of my thoughts surround that dark voice that taunts me and ideas like "you screwed up". the more i compartmentalize these away, the clearer my head. unfortunately, it also makes me slightly more emotionless, since compartmentalizing that also clears head.

people also wonder, why i'm so edged out. simple: i have little confidence, even when i'm right. some people can walk their entire student lives over brimming with self assurance, sometimes they are wrong, sometimes they are right. and pple always talk about self esteem. its highly overrated if it makes you cocky and arrogant. people are lucky to be able to be so sure of themselves.

and yes, i do enter and leave classroom during breaks at increasing exponential rate. blame it on the guys who add sound effects to their video games, it begins to become annoying after the first 5 mins, especially after the regular complain of setting your health limit to about 5000% that it takes 5 mins to kill a life. i'm irritated by WoW chatter, cos it makes no sense. yes, its a nice game; no, i do not wish to 'integrate' into such a 'society'. for the last time, DoTA is a mod, not even a full fledged game. no i do not find memorizing game detail interesting, learning of characterization of comic characters ranks above it just due to the english terms i can pick up (like 'curmudgeon'). no, i do not find that your (fit in character class) can own his(other character class), but i can own both your computers by killing the power source. and for the other last time, the special terms they use in the game are not self created by the creators...the sounds like "owning" and such are from UNREAL series. no, i don't think he understood your solution to the problem, but that can be attributed to the fact that you're shouting and screaming and hitting someone. yes, i think you and him make a wonderful couple, but i suggest you should get a room cos the rest of the world don't need to hear you two bickering. yes, i think your jokes are nice, they would also be nicer if you didn't punctuate an exclamation mark with a vulgarity. yes, i may be avoiding you, but since you look down on everyone, then i'm just saving both our times. no, i do not hate you, you just happen to be in the wrong group at the wrong time. yes, i do agree that having fun is part of life, but i also know that growing up is too, and part of that is maturing, so grow up already and stop whining about his big mouth. it makes my day more when you didn't talk badly about any teachers and ACTUALLY study. yes, i am aware i'm not exactly the brightest person, but i'm not judging you, so don't try to take personal hits at me. you know, maybe if you listened in class instead of discussing WoW tactics, your studies might be a bit lighter.

all those above thoughts also have to be removed, or else nothing productive comes to mind. if i did voice them out, well, no one is going to listen change. cos they just think i'm a abnormality in society, so i'm basically weird in all ways possible.

it makes me tired, to know that whatever i do is always overshadowed. maybe i'm not so smart, hell i'm definitely not as smart as some pple believe i am. just today my brain and mouth just refused to connect, i couldn't read the number 69...i kept reading it as 56,65,59. my education depends on that number and i couldn't say it suddenly, just fumbled over and over. can't read a simple number...that's so bull.

i'm breaking, but if i'm already in pieces i have no idea what i am now.

Dark Knight...or was it duckwing duck-knight?

went to see Dark Knight with family, and then next day with friends.

i have to say, i am awed by the show. sure, its not a 100% correct portrayal of comic characters, but they sure do fit VERY WELL.

Batman/Bruce Wayne: Bale is amazing. he has the creepy harsh batman voice when in the suit, and has this flamboyant playboy charm when in public. Though, as my brother later pointed out that as batman, he shouldn't become emotionally angry, this is still like batman:year one. (also cos it makes good story for a love triangle).

Best scene with bruce wayne: either the one where he meets Dent for the first time in the restaurant and calmly calls for a additional table in his whimsical manner; or when he saves his targeted employee by running his Lamborghini in front of the police vehicle to prevent a head on collision, and then calmly jokes about going to a hospital to Gorden.

Best scene in transition: when he takes down a joker gang member and calmly enters a 'panic room'.

Best scene with Batman: err...every scene with batman?

Heath Ledger as Joker is a killer. his magic pencil trick is a bit funny and disturbing. his constant retelling of the origins of his scars is a bit like joker, in the end you don't know if he is telling the truth or not. He really is creepy, with that psychotic charm.

Best scene with Joker: also every scene in the movie with Joker

Funniest Scene with joker: that would either be his hospital appearance in a nurse's uniform, pencil trick, or blowing up the hospital scene (where he stands in the middle of the road, rapidly pressing the detonator and suddenly the bombs goes off)

Food for thoughts from the Prince of sLaughter: "dog chasing car" analogy. in one way or another, a lot of people are like dogs chasing after a car. when we finally caught one, we have no clue what to do with it.

Gorden is the poor normal person caught between everything. But he is also the only 'normal' person that shines in the movie. Dent was suppose to be the best of the three, but in the end, Gorden who being the most human is also probably the better. you'll almost cry with him at the end of the movie when he is forced to turn against his best pal bats. his son also provides one of the ending lines in the movie alongside him, that marks the distinction of batman. and its those last lines that will really make you cry.

Best scene with Gorden: the last portion of the movie, when tensions are high and all during the ferry crisis to the end.

Special mention goes to the Hummer aka the new-age heavy duty batmobile. that is the sweetest ride EVER. no one was sadder than my dad when it self-destructed. engineers and their toys. still, the last line of the Hummer was the darn cutest thing ever: "goodbye" sfx boom sfx.

another special mention goes to the Bat-pod,the COOLEST BIKE EVER. blows up cars, races across the streets, dives UNDER an the big rig eighteen-wheeler, and does that RIDICULOUSLY INSANELY COOL 180degree turn ON THE WALL. the next comparable bike stunt to that is DMC3 Dante's inhuman drive up the tower using a modified bike, and using the same bike as a weapon in midair.(too bad he blew up the bike in the process)

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Dog chasing car analogy

probably one of the more thought provocative lines in the show (apart from "die as a hero or live to become the villan"). it reflects on some parts of society, where we rush for the newest stuff, but after we get our hands on it, find out that we don't know what to use it for. everyone is chasing something: iphone, macbooks, latest gadgets. Do we really need to ride the wave and join the rest in of the world in a crazy frenzy? even i fall under this catergory, and even if i do catch the car, i have no idea how to continue after that?

arggggh....need to hulk smash something...

and it kind if sucks being in a good school sometimes. cos here i'm completely insignificant. everyone is better in all ways than me, so there are times where i am completely redundant or ignored. kind of...buggy

doubts

there are several kinds of people: one of them is the kind where they do what they believe is right, probably is right, but is constantly haunted by self-doubt and indecision.

now, i'm think my interests are in conflict with everyone else's interest. everyone wants happiness, but the big problem is, when i'm there, boredom enters and the happy field flees. i understand that you don't have to be the most entertaining person to make lively company. However, i am becoming increasing worried that when i feel happy, often everyone else isn't, and vice versa. one kind of people are the ones who are confident of whatever they do, no matter what situation they are in. that is someone i am not, and often enough confidence is what makes the mundane not mundane.

worrying about everything is stupid, but then not worrying is also stupid. i just pray the choices i make won't hurt anyone, because i have enough self guilt to carry.

i feel happy when people are happy, but they aren't happy when i'm around...so should i factor out the problem?

this is stupid, i am stupid. there is no reason why i should make myself suffer over nothing.

and there is the other weird issue in my head: if everyone pursues special, wouldn't special become not special? would normal be special? then what is normal?

x is the negative b plus/minus root of b-squared minus four a times c, divided by 2a

i feel crappy, i feel sad but cannot cry, i feel angry but cannot vent, i feel free but have a strait jacket on, i do not understand...emotions are confusing, rationality is making no sense, empirical testing is useless, perception is universal, language is manipulated.

tired. i want to sleep and dream but fear what i might perceive. i walk a path yet cannot see.

i am not emo, i am not contemplating anything dangerous. i'm just lost.

peak on NMR indicate different chemical environment

i'm not sure i can make meaningful relationships anymore. dissociation has some side effects...lost on the mind

fear drives human to extremes, but sometimes to greater heights

curiosity was what killed the cat, which is good considering i don't own one.

pH of phenolphthalein is slightly acidic

i can't remember...have i been punishing myself?

the term renal refers to kidney

the term prince of persia no longer refers to an individual, but several.

nothing more distraught than a confused mind.

tired

tired...but alive