hate serotonin
recently, i've been 'stoning'. as in 'stone', blank vacant stare into the metaphysical. no, i'm not on any form of medication. its just my mind's way of shutting itself out. it helps a lot when most of my thoughts surround that dark voice that taunts me and ideas like "you screwed up". the more i compartmentalize these away, the clearer my head. unfortunately, it also makes me slightly more emotionless, since compartmentalizing that also clears head.
people also wonder, why i'm so edged out. simple: i have little confidence, even when i'm right. some people can walk their entire student lives over brimming with self assurance, sometimes they are wrong, sometimes they are right. and pple always talk about self esteem. its highly overrated if it makes you cocky and arrogant. people are lucky to be able to be so sure of themselves.
and yes, i do enter and leave classroom during breaks at increasing exponential rate. blame it on the guys who add sound effects to their video games, it begins to become annoying after the first 5 mins, especially after the regular complain of setting your health limit to about 5000% that it takes 5 mins to kill a life. i'm irritated by WoW chatter, cos it makes no sense. yes, its a nice game; no, i do not wish to 'integrate' into such a 'society'. for the last time, DoTA is a mod, not even a full fledged game. no i do not find memorizing game detail interesting, learning of characterization of comic characters ranks above it just due to the english terms i can pick up (like 'curmudgeon'). no, i do not find that your (fit in character class) can own his(other character class), but i can own both your computers by killing the power source. and for the other last time, the special terms they use in the game are not self created by the creators...the sounds like "owning" and such are from UNREAL series. no, i don't think he understood your solution to the problem, but that can be attributed to the fact that you're shouting and screaming and hitting someone. yes, i think you and him make a wonderful couple, but i suggest you should get a room cos the rest of the world don't need to hear you two bickering. yes, i think your jokes are nice, they would also be nicer if you didn't punctuate an exclamation mark with a vulgarity. yes, i may be avoiding you, but since you look down on everyone, then i'm just saving both our times. no, i do not hate you, you just happen to be in the wrong group at the wrong time. yes, i do agree that having fun is part of life, but i also know that growing up is too, and part of that is maturing, so grow up already and stop whining about his big mouth. it makes my day more when you didn't talk badly about any teachers and ACTUALLY study. yes, i am aware i'm not exactly the brightest person, but i'm not judging you, so don't try to take personal hits at me. you know, maybe if you listened in class instead of discussing WoW tactics, your studies might be a bit lighter.
all those above thoughts also have to be removed, or else nothing productive comes to mind. if i did voice them out, well, no one is going to listen change. cos they just think i'm a abnormality in society, so i'm basically weird in all ways possible.
it makes me tired, to know that whatever i do is always overshadowed. maybe i'm not so smart, hell i'm definitely not as smart as some pple believe i am. just today my brain and mouth just refused to connect, i couldn't read the number 69...i kept reading it as 56,65,59. my education depends on that number and i couldn't say it suddenly, just fumbled over and over. can't read a simple number...that's so bull.
i'm breaking, but if i'm already in pieces i have no idea what i am now.
people also wonder, why i'm so edged out. simple: i have little confidence, even when i'm right. some people can walk their entire student lives over brimming with self assurance, sometimes they are wrong, sometimes they are right. and pple always talk about self esteem. its highly overrated if it makes you cocky and arrogant. people are lucky to be able to be so sure of themselves.
and yes, i do enter and leave classroom during breaks at increasing exponential rate. blame it on the guys who add sound effects to their video games, it begins to become annoying after the first 5 mins, especially after the regular complain of setting your health limit to about 5000% that it takes 5 mins to kill a life. i'm irritated by WoW chatter, cos it makes no sense. yes, its a nice game; no, i do not wish to 'integrate' into such a 'society'. for the last time, DoTA is a mod, not even a full fledged game. no i do not find memorizing game detail interesting, learning of characterization of comic characters ranks above it just due to the english terms i can pick up (like 'curmudgeon'). no, i do not find that your (fit in character class) can own his(other character class), but i can own both your computers by killing the power source. and for the other last time, the special terms they use in the game are not self created by the creators...the sounds like "owning" and such are from UNREAL series. no, i don't think he understood your solution to the problem, but that can be attributed to the fact that you're shouting and screaming and hitting someone. yes, i think you and him make a wonderful couple, but i suggest you should get a room cos the rest of the world don't need to hear you two bickering. yes, i think your jokes are nice, they would also be nicer if you didn't punctuate an exclamation mark with a vulgarity. yes, i may be avoiding you, but since you look down on everyone, then i'm just saving both our times. no, i do not hate you, you just happen to be in the wrong group at the wrong time. yes, i do agree that having fun is part of life, but i also know that growing up is too, and part of that is maturing, so grow up already and stop whining about his big mouth. it makes my day more when you didn't talk badly about any teachers and ACTUALLY study. yes, i am aware i'm not exactly the brightest person, but i'm not judging you, so don't try to take personal hits at me. you know, maybe if you listened in class instead of discussing WoW tactics, your studies might be a bit lighter.
all those above thoughts also have to be removed, or else nothing productive comes to mind. if i did voice them out, well, no one is going to listen change. cos they just think i'm a abnormality in society, so i'm basically weird in all ways possible.
it makes me tired, to know that whatever i do is always overshadowed. maybe i'm not so smart, hell i'm definitely not as smart as some pple believe i am. just today my brain and mouth just refused to connect, i couldn't read the number 69...i kept reading it as 56,65,59. my education depends on that number and i couldn't say it suddenly, just fumbled over and over. can't read a simple number...that's so bull.
i'm breaking, but if i'm already in pieces i have no idea what i am now.
posted by Titus Leon at
10:33 PM
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