getting on

somehow, i feel like i passed a period of depression, and more or less back to my old self....almost

thanks to the friends who comforted me during another dark time.

there are times where even one feels like an angel and a demon both at once. a nice guy, and yet inside a raging potential to be evil. the struggle sometimes is hard....but the choice is obvious. no one wants to be a bad guy.

going bonkers

honestly....i'm not pretty sure how i lasted so long...but so far i'm still sane

i've just screwed up my chem test...all my graphs are wrong...thats 10 marks out of the whole thing....i'm in depression and denial...i'm denying that i'm depressed.....

worse of all, this completely effects my emotions and mood swings....so now i'm a potential crazy bomb if someone ticks me off.......i'm not strong enough to really hurt someone...but you wouldn't want a semi-crazed guy on your back either....so ya

i've finish the ichigo mask design...but haven't got the time to post it on deviant art....so i'm holding on to it for a little while longer.....

i don't know...i think after so long, i just wanna sit in a corner a cry for a while...re-live what little i remember....cos up to now, i'm still in a sort of identity crisis...

i mean, everyone has their roles in their world....sportsman, break dancers, high scoring students, musicians; each with their own social circles....each with their unique area of expertise....but everywhere i go....i don't fit in...i don't know....as much as i hate the idea of it, but there is a part that is afraid of being looked down at.

"nerd""loser""loner""anti-social".....pple who look at me drawing and just telling me crap about it(i mean, it's bloody obvious that i'm not drawing original stuff...i have the BLOODY PICTURE IN FRONT OF ME....).....i seriously wonder what pple think, everytime someone looks at me.....i don't really know...a part of me just keeps creating speculations on what they're thinking...and it ain't pretty....every time i carry my fencing stuff....i'm so sure someone talks behind my back......coverd in the shadow of others almost everytime....

i think i'll go cry now.....

(Titus: crap, he's in his mood swings again)
[Leon: well, can't you do anything about it?]
(T: i can't make him snap out of it, why not you try slapping him a few times)
[L: won't work on him, would just make it worse...]
(T:so peachy.....great.....we'll just wait till he goes back to sch again...he'll have to get over it by then....he only really thinks when he's home anyway)
[L:...tch, fine]

the week

well...somehow i made it through the week....slept 11hrs to recover...

honestly i'm quite peeved...my results completely contradicts nats...but everyone wants hers....and i ended up the only one who actually stayed up till 4am to watch the test tubes.....

i was half asleep in classes for the rest of the week, and almost completely asleep in math class....

and then my classmates think i like/am hitting on a girl in class...waa..cut me some slack...i'm like anti-social, but i really don't like the way you all drag conflicts to such an extent....it is rather dangerous...and if you get caught by teachers, it'll be even worse....

got whooped for fencing on tuesday.....then today got more fencing...waaaaa...warm up burn out....then fought ryan and lost 2-8...then fought michelle (from fencing club) and won (i forgot score). then found out after the match that she wasn't wearing her chest protector....damn pai sei....i actually hit her in the chest a couple of times....had parry-repose drills, with michelle as partner (this time WITH chest protector), so just whack...was kind of funny. you can hear the parry of the blade and a loud 'thud' as my foil stabs her chest protector. the other fencers actually heard it. later tried saber for kicks, went against ryan and actually pegged a few slashes (the best one was when he flunged, i parry high, and then held my blade out and ryan dropped from the sky onto it....MY POINT, haha, super lucky) then had another match with ryan...can be considered a no-holds-bar bout...after all the tricks and stuff came out...i barely won 8-7 (was lucky, after the 2nd hit, i found that ryan has a tendency to attack from my lower right...so 2 parry-reposes 2 points, one quick lunge 1 point) (he caught me off guard several times with flecte, no idea how to counter that and was so sudden)(last hit was really lucky, i lunged and went low, he just missed.....)

had band meeting....then home....


check out http://titusleon.deviantart.com i posted up some more of my latest sketches...best was the ichigo pose...still working so give me time....then i got my own self-portrait....the one that looks like a HIGHLY EVOLVED MONKEY (i keep saying this, but i don't believe in the evolution theory)

really smart

this post is almost all complains of a sleep-deprived, hungry, thirsty 17-year old....if you came here looking for Daniel, pls refer to the posts below....right now, i am truely Titus Leon at the worst condition (not the kid i am)

i can't believe what i did today....i barely passed my chem test 15/30....i had my hair cut really short...i haven't finished my math hw....i got chinese oral in 3 days...I PRACTICALLY TOLD MY BIO TEACHER TO LET ME TAKE THE BIO PRACTICAL HOME TO OBSERVE OVER 24HR (2H PER OBSERVATION).......i must be insane.....honestly, i don't feel well....i got fencing tomorrow...i'll zombie through the day....i am positively sure that if they ran a survey on who did not sleep the entire night...i'll be the only one.......i had glass wool all over my pants...a bird pooped on my sch uniform....my legs are tired....my brain is dead....my eyes want revenge.....my eyelids are heavy....my body feels like lead....

honestly..i feel really dumb....originally almost no one in class brought test tubes to do the experiment...so loaned test tubes must be kept in the lab...and hence only observed during the sch day and next day morning....NOOOOO, HAD TO ASK TO KEEP THE TEST TUBES, HAD TO GET EXTRA HW, HAD TO BE SO ENTHU....


my few accomplishments....I COMPLETED MY MATH VECTORS WORKSHEET...ALL THE QUESTIONS....ALMOST ALL BY MYSELF (ok i had help for one question from makmur...thats all)

re:personality test

i'm a dreamer...my bro's an artist....haha

the long weekend of the national day celebration...spent sleeping at home

i started getting bored...so i started a sketch of myself...seems rather ego, but i got bored of drawing from another drawing...so maybe do one or two pics from pictures (i think from my classblog and stuff) then go back...

i have like 3 or 4 uncompleted drawings...but i don't feel like i should go back to them yet...

meanwhile, i've stopped my music therapy of japanese songs...and changed to Budak Pantai....quite funny....


i drew this for fun....its not calligraphy, it was meant to LOOK like it, but i think i changed the style too much...anyway, it did it during lecture, apparently the best time to do random sketches....proper drawings during breaks...

thinking back, i think a lot of things have changed...too much....way too much....

personality test

You are a Considerate Dreamer.

about you

You are a Dreamer

Your combination of abstract thinking, appreciation of beauty, and cautiousness makes you a DREAMER.

You often imagine how things could be better, and you have very specific visions of this different future.

Beauty and style are important to you, and you have a discerning eye when it comes to how things look.

Although you often think more broadly, you prefer comfort to adventure, choosing to stay within the boundaries of your current situation.

Your preferences for artistic works are very refined, although you vastly prefer some types and styles to others.

Though your dreams are quite vivid, you are cautious in following up on them.

You are aware of both your positive and negative qualities, so that your ego doesn't get in your way.

A sense of vulnerability sometimes holds you back, stifling your creative tendencies.

You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

If you want to be different:

Your imagination is a wonderful asset, but don't just dream—be bold enough to take action and explore new things!

Consider a wider range of details and possibilities when thinking about the present and the future—don't be too set in your ways.

how you relate to others

You are Considerate

You trust others, care about them, and are slow to judge them, making you CONSIDERATE.

You value your close relationships very much, and are more likely to spend time in small, tightly-knit groups of friends than in large crowds.

You enjoy exploring the world through observation, quietly watching others.

Relating to others so well, and understanding their emotions, leads you to trust people in general, even though you're somewhat shy and reserved at times.

Your belief that people are generally well-intentioned contributes to your sympathy regarding their problems.

Although you may not vocalize it often, you have an awareness of how society affects individuals, and you understand complex causes of people's behavior.

You like to look at all sides of a situation before making a judgment, particularly when that situation involves important things in other people's lives.

Your close friends know you as a good listener.

If you want to be different:

Because other people would benefit immensely from your understanding and insight, you should try to be more outgoing in social situations, even when they make you uncomfortable. Others will want to hear what you have to say!

tired again

com was running out of space again...so i had to reorganize my files...as well as clear out some of my 1.4gb collection of PICTURES...WAHHAHAHAHAHAH...i'm so happy, i hit my target of at least 1gb of pics...and i did it

been really tired staying late back to back, night after night....honestly i have no idea how other pple do it, but my body wants to kill itself already...my mind is rather dreamy,so the world appears in a surreal state...i've been working on some drawings, not much though...the best of the three is the ichigo pose...the one he does during his fight with grimmjaw...when his masks has a crack and he repairs it...i made a fairly good copy-art...but no mask details...also, cos the lower half of the page had another drawing on it, i can't sketch out the entire pic...so i'm reprinting it and then finishing off...of course i'm going to digitally edit off the writing pad lines.


looks pretty nice...then hand looks a bit weird ...i'm most happy with the head and shoulders...usually that's where i screw up proportions...right now, it looks fairly correct. the hair looks ok...though the amt of hair at the back appears to be a bit more than the rest of the head. the opening in the shirt is suppose to be lower...but cos of the other drawing, i raised it...(right below it, where this sketch ends, is actually the beginning of the next sketch)

Events in class:
some guy was trying to hit on one of my classmates which started a massive movement in class to provide her advice on how to get away from that guy....was pretty interesting conversation, at the same time, the events they describe actually scare me a bit.(for most of the conversation, i got chased away,because 1) i know nothing about the guy,2) they find for some reason to ask me not to hear, i didn't really catch the reason...so i don't really know much, only that which they said very loudly...)

my brain is on overdrive, so i don't really register anything other than lessons....most other stuff just bounce off me...

i also just realized that i have a really weird habit...it might be due to the broken arm in sling incident way back during pri6..when i walk, usually pple swing both arm....i keep one arm straight and still...(the way i run is not really effected by this, anyway i run at full speed headfirst, and i like sliding as well as drifting in-and-out of crowds)...when not doing much, i like to keep my left hand in my pocket or occupied holding something...i guess either i'm just getting a new habit or it might be because i miss the sling.

so thats all i've done this week...i need to recover for sunday's competition...don't wanna let the team down...