dear diary

well, lets not be too unhappy, i did make it past 1st sem alive. though maybe sooner or later i'll wish i didn't.

maybe i'm in denial or something, but my brain doesn't want to work with anything i'm doing. sure, its taking in information, but apparently its not keeping it or letting me have access to it when i want it.

maybe being around pple who are way smarter than you stresses you out. maybe there is a theory that will explain everything about harmful effects of stress on a body. and then maybe i'll find out why my heart beats so fast in school. seriously 16 beats per 10 second is like 4 beats faster than the average person in my class. and it doesn't respond well to stimulus like bloody hot chili, or scary pictures. but it does respond to excerise (which it jumps to like 21 beats per 10 seconds), and to external stresses (like lets say, two teachers standing around?) (which it jumps from like 60+ beats per minute to almost 100)

and then of course, there is the rolling chaos that is my life. it likes to increase entropy even when i want it to decrease.

so tired...maybe i might just fall one day...maybe.

it was always about the "maybe"s