the question
its been bugging me the whole week...can i answer the questions i (that is the voices) ask myself?
can i be happy with what i wanna be, even when i know this is who i am and will be?
can i be happy knowing i can never learn enough, never be smart enough, never be good enough for my parents, for my friends, for anyone?
can i be happy knowing i'm watching from the sidelines of events to take place, events that will shatter what little of life i know?
can i be happy never understanding people, understanding relationships, understanding everything out of my reach?
can i be happy knowing who i am, with all my personality weirdness?
can i be happy knowing....that i'm a screwed up little brat, with no life, who potentially has problems immersing into society, who potentially has psychological problems?
can i be happy knowing i have no idea how to answer all these questions and to solve the mess that is me?
after reading this, you're probably thinking "WTF with all this emo-ing!three post in three days and all cryptic and full of crap! you are sofa king crazy dude!" here is my case: half my world hates me for who i am/was, i have few friends (though close). by personality, i store up all my anger, hate, jealousy, and hide under this happy face you see; guess where this goes, everywhere. i promised myself after sec1 and again in sec4, never will i release it on someone else (and though i slip, i try hard). so even though my parents will scold me for being up late and having a blog, i need this place to get rid of things i don't want others to receive. i need to be seriously emo here, so i can be a pierrot outside (if you don't understand, go check wikipedia for pierrot). i guess the way i conduct myself in fencing is what i am: laughing and joking, and cracking bad puns and one-liners, but under that mask, its where i hide me.
but after all this, every cloud has a silver lining, i answered one question:
...
i can be happy knowing i at least tried to answer the questions that constitute my life, and knowing i can never answer them.
can i be happy with what i wanna be, even when i know this is who i am and will be?
can i be happy knowing i can never learn enough, never be smart enough, never be good enough for my parents, for my friends, for anyone?
can i be happy knowing i'm watching from the sidelines of events to take place, events that will shatter what little of life i know?
can i be happy never understanding people, understanding relationships, understanding everything out of my reach?
can i be happy knowing who i am, with all my personality weirdness?
can i be happy knowing....that i'm a screwed up little brat, with no life, who potentially has problems immersing into society, who potentially has psychological problems?
can i be happy knowing i have no idea how to answer all these questions and to solve the mess that is me?
after reading this, you're probably thinking "WTF with all this emo-ing!three post in three days and all cryptic and full of crap! you are sofa king crazy dude!" here is my case: half my world hates me for who i am/was, i have few friends (though close). by personality, i store up all my anger, hate, jealousy, and hide under this happy face you see; guess where this goes, everywhere. i promised myself after sec1 and again in sec4, never will i release it on someone else (and though i slip, i try hard). so even though my parents will scold me for being up late and having a blog, i need this place to get rid of things i don't want others to receive. i need to be seriously emo here, so i can be a pierrot outside (if you don't understand, go check wikipedia for pierrot). i guess the way i conduct myself in fencing is what i am: laughing and joking, and cracking bad puns and one-liners, but under that mask, its where i hide me.
but after all this, every cloud has a silver lining, i answered one question:
...
i can be happy knowing i at least tried to answer the questions that constitute my life, and knowing i can never answer them.
posted by Titus Leon at
12:25 AM
9 Comments:
aw...dun so negative bout urself...i dun think tt u're a spoilt brat...n u're a nice guy n a gd fren la...dun so negative...think POSITIVE!!!=)) SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-michelle=))
heyhey a few things.
1. you're not a spoilt brat.
2. everyone needs release i understand. everything pent up feels really horrible.
3. you're a really great friend, we'll always rmb times where e tchrs get freaked out cuz "DANIEL JUST WALKED PAST ME TWICE!!!!!!"
4. i got a really important duty for you if everything works out the way i want it...u better not be gone then k...seriously.......
so cheer up k!!!you're who you are.
i accept it. if others want u to be someone you're not they shld give u a perfect example and spelt out guidelines first.
have they??
whatever happens you'll always be my 'twin'.
-darrel=))
be happy happy happy happy happy!!!!=))hahah...
o n if u think u're weird...u're not la...ur TWIN's just as weird...or even weirder...HAHAH...i so can imagine him pouting when he reads this...hahahaha...
cheer up k!!!
SMILE!!!
-michelle
p.s...i wonder wat impt duty darrel has for u....hmmmmmm...i'm curious...
haha ok...feeling a bit better after some talking.
will not be around till 10 dec, away at East Timor/Timor Leste
don't call or sms till 11 dec, thks
o...u're away to there again..o wells...N I NOE WAT IMPT DUTY DARREL HAS FOR U!!!!HAHAHAHAH=)) o wells...glad to noe tt u feel better=))
-michelle
hey!!!!!!!
*pouts*
-darrel
HAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!
smiles WIDELY!!!
-michelle
(clueless)
survive til then n u'll find out...=))
-darrel
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