feeling weird

well....its that time of year again...when i don't have sch and actually spend time thinking about my life....and thats when it really hits me really hard

i explained before, i don't think laterally like a normal person. I don't have a inner voice, i have inner voiceS. not one, but many. each voice takes the role of each part of me; my worries, my locked up feelings and passions, my rather childish subnormal self. so for the few weeks that i officially don't have sch, these voices have gone overtime. there isn't much time in the day where they stay silent. they're practically screaming at me to do things, to react, to be proactive, to do something. how long do you think you can shun them? these voices are me, no matter how weird they are, they are really me, what i am, a part of me. so what should i do?

and becos of these voices, i become really worried about things that i shouldn't worry about. they keep reacting to situations, blaring when i'm alone. i need to remove distractions when working, yet the biggest distraction is myself. it's an another paradox. so you wonder, what a person am i?

fragmented, split, multipersonality
sad, happy, torn
lazy, pretense, invisible

i think in the quiet of everything, i'm the ultimate source of humour to myself. i'm right in front of people, yet it's as if i don't exist. i hide my selves in masks of unrealism so as to never actually find out who i really am. i punish myself, sometimes just to make others feel happy...is that right? when you put others before yourself, who will look out for you?

i need to talk to someone...just to get rid of all this stuff in my head...yet i'm scared and worried...seriously drives me a little crazy.